Upcoming Exams: How you can support your young person through this stressful time

As GCSEs and A levels are about to start let’s just stop and think for a moment of the thousands of students who are currently stressed, anxious, worried, fearful, tearful and much more.  They have high expectations and pressure on them from school, universities, parents, friends and most definitely themselves and it's very easy for us to say, “well we’ve all been there, yes it's tough but head down and you’ll be fine”.

Many of them aren’t fine though.  They are dealing with social media, a constant barrage of news and influencers, a pandemic when they were just starting secondary school or choosing their options, families going through the cost-of-living crisis, countless wars around the world, political and identity difficulties and life is generally much harder for our young people these days. 

So, what can we do to support them?

If you look up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, a psychological theory around needs and goals that help us reach the best possible version of ourselves, you’ll see that right at the bottom shows our very basic needs before we can even begin to think about anything else.  These are our physiological needs – Food, Sleep, Air, Shelter, Clothing, Water.  We need these for survival and to function and we can relate these back to self-care and how we manage our worries and stresses.

• Check in - with no personal agenda ask them, "How are you doing? Can I help with anything? How can I take some of the pressure off you for now? Shall we go for a walk? What do you need from me?" and listen. Don't be tempted to fall into fix-it mode or turn it around to something about you.

• Chores – are they important right now, just for a few weeks?  Let them off cleaning their room, filling the dish washer, emptying the washing machine.  Instead suggest they take that time to make sure they are doing something enjoyable and restful for themselves.  Although its worth noting that for some young people, keeping that routine will also make them feel safe and keep anxiety from overwhelming them.  Know your child and what works best for them.

• Food and drink – these are so important and are often the first thing to go out the window when we’re tired and stressed.  Some of that is a normal bodily response when our bodies are being flooded with things like cortisol, adrenaline etc and it’s often a way of coping that helps people feel in control.  Offer regular, healthy meals.  If they’re upstairs revising all night, take them up a healthy snack and a drink but also find a balance between caring and nagging. Something small is better than nothing at all.

• Rest – Constantly revising and worrying about what they don’t know can keep us in Flight, Fight and Freeze activating our nervous system to be constantly in survival mode.  Don’t presume they know how to manage their time well and maybe offer to sit down and work out a good revision plan or timetable with them.  One that includes all the things they have to do but also factor in times to rest, hang out with friends, game, social media etc.

• Sleep – So important, so our bodies can restore themselves.  When we sleep, our brains slow down, our blood pressure drops, our breathing slows and our muscles relax.  It helps to strengthen our immune system and our brains do a bit of clean up, taking short term memories and filing them in to long term back ups and processing events and conversations from throughout the day.

• Take the pressure off - keep up to date with the washing for instance, knowing they have the clothes in the cupboard that are important to them and they want to wear or that favourite blanket that they like to wrap around themselves takes one less worry away from them. Everyone loves getting in a clean fresh bed the day the sheets have been changed, it's the little things we do for others that often make a big difference.

• Home life – keep things as normal as possible.  Try to not react to silly arguments.  They don’t mean it – you will generally be their safe person. They know they can take their frustrations out on you and whilst it is hard, it wont last long.  If its particularly difficult, then a quiet conversation away from the home to just say “hey, I know its difficult at the moment, but if you could just be aware that we are trying to support you as much as possible and would really appreciate it if we could just talk about something if its bothering you without resorting to an argument, that would be really helpful”.

• Exercise – just get out in the fresh air occasionally, whether that’s to walk the dog, a football kick around, a walk at the beach, lanes or moors.  It doesn’t have to be big, but it will help.

Communication is key! but also, dont beat yourself up if it doesnt always go to plan or work out. Keeping the conversations going, looking after yourself as well as them, getting outside support for you if you need it (a good moan to a friend somedays it all we need to set us on the straight and narrow again!) and sometimes taking a deep breath and walking away is all ok. This isnt meant to be an easy time but if you keep the above things in mind, it can certainly make things a little easier for the next few weeks.

Good luck!